Being a Mistress isn’t all Whips and Money

Being a Dominatrix is generally considered an easy job by society and the uneducated. But do you really know what is involved with being a professional Dominatrix? Think it is just a matter of looking beautiful, holding a whip and men just fall at your feet? Sure, some will sell you that and say that it is really that easy. And if it truly is for them, then I commend them. But the ‘average’ professional Mistress works her butt off everyday and usually all day to make her business, her brand, her empire, as successful as humanly possible. There is this professional allure as most Dominatrixes have a high hourly rate, and rightly so! A Mistress is providing a service that she has fine-tuned and is literally giving herself, her mind and body, to her craft. Though she may play with you for an hour or a few, she has worked tirelessly to get to that point where you play/interact. When it all aligns it is sadistically sexual magic that literally leaves men grovelling at our feet. It is such a wonderful feeling and I wouldn’t want my life any other way; I absolutely adore what I do. It gives me life, tickles my brain and gives me such cathartic delight. Though, in the same breath it is also a struggle. 

People/companies are making it harder and harder for a Dominatrix to do her job. I won’t say that no other profession has an uphill climb to make a living. But lately the hurdles that have been brought to our profession have been baffling. Rules brought on by Mastercard, clipstores and membership sites are making it harder and harder for consenting adults to make porn. From mandatory release forms, to forced manual approval to sell content, to changing what categories of content is allowed. Making content isn’t as easy as one may think, especially if every week you are getting hit over the head for doing something ‘wrong’, ‘not complied with’, ‘needs to be reviewed’, ‘not valid with our requirements’, etc. Waking up in the morning to find out that your whole catalogue of clips have been removed or that your profile is under suspension is not a great way to start your day (or week/month/year). For people that solely rely on online content it is like being fired out of the blue with no advance notice to set up another source of income. Personally, if I have already put my mental and physical time into a project and have truly put myself out there and told it isn’t good enough, or meets whatever forever changing standard, I struggle. It is truly difficult to stay motivated sometimes, and if I am feeling depleted the last thing I am feeling is sexy. We put our work into so many different platforms because we never know when the ‘good times’ will run out and will need to be deleted or will need to move.

There is also the personal aspect of things of being a Dominatrix. My family is generally supportive of what I do, but wouldn’t say they are out there cheering for me to succeed, it is more of a distant cheer. And I am sure I am not alone with that. There is a rather constant stigma that professional Mistresses must deal with whether it be in the vanilla or the kink community. Are you timid to tell people that you are kinky? Just imagine what it is like telling new people that you meet that you are a Dominatrix. Even simple things like getting paid is a challenge. Along with the credit card issue, banks have no interest in working with us. We are constantly finding different ways to make our business work. We literally have chat groups to find out how to navigate the challenges that we face. Personally I am in different groups on Twitter, Telegram, Slack and WhatApp. I am so thankful that we all support each other with our troubleshooting, but this is getting ridiculous. So many companies aren’t sex worker friendly and our job is legal! We pay taxes! At every turn sex workers are told, um no you can’t do that. With this new climate of online work being such a struggle many of my fellow Mistresses are mentally exhausted. We are frustrated, angry and we just want to do our jobs without wondering what the next road block will be. 

I do want to acknowledge that there are clients/submissives that completely recognize the struggle that Dominatrixes go through and we see you, and appreciate you. But never, ever think that sex work is just an easy job. All these women that are selling you your perfect fantasy are like a duck on water. And those clients that show that respect and acknowledgment will have a place in their Mistress’s heart. Domination isn’t just what happens in the dungeon or wherever you like to play.  Be aware of what a Dominatrix does, get to know her and her profession fully and completely. As she takes care of you, you do so with her. This comes about with time and communication, but it does happen and it truly is a beautiful experience and dynamic for a Mistress and submissive. Personally, being introverted, social interactions take a lot out of me and I put a lot of myself into my real time sessions as well as my clip content. When that effort and respect is reciprocated, that is what I work for, that is what I live for and why I work as a Dominatrix.